Last week I took an online test to see if I have an ADD or Attention Deficit Disorder,
(ADD, or attention deficit disorder, is a type of ADHD. Depending on symptoms, three types of ADHD have been identified: Predominantly Inattentive Type ADHD is also sometimes called attention deficit disorder (ADD). … Hyperactivity and impulsivity are mild in this type.)
before that I thought that this is just a “pina-sosyal” (posh) name for KSP or Kulang sa Pansin (seeking constant attention). I used to tell myself and to joke people around na papansin lang ako (attention seeker). I know that maybe what I really have is cyberchondria because I keep on diagnosing myself from the internet. But on my defend I always hit the right thing, just like the time I got pompholyx eczema, I knew the moment I looked up on google that I have it, I just went to the Doctor for confirmation and for treatment, on the other hand I don’t self medicate serious concerns, good thing it doesn’t flare up anymore but I am still avoiding things and foods and enviroment that may trigger it.
So back on ADD the result of the test is quite shocking I scored 46 and moderate to severe ADD/ADHD is between 26-33. I know I used to get hi-scores in most of the things I even aced my drivers license exam and all those tests they’ll give when you applied in the call center. Pero I am not that aware that even Psychological test eh kakarerin ko. I also took the psycho tests and good thing is I dont have any tendencies to be a serial killer :)).
So while I am taking the test my officemate and good friend Ms. A is beside me, so I got moral support. But everytime we read the questions she will be like “That is so you!!” or “It sounds familiar, just like you” or “that is what I always complain about you” and of course the “Its not a test anymore, most of it is a description of you”. But really most of it, tho not all, is describing me. From the things that I do to my attitude. Like when I try to do everything at the same time. Or when I unintentionally cut someone when they are talking, I know that is plain rude but during that time I remember something and I should let them know right then and there. Or when I hyperfocus and I zoned out from everything, the output will be great but sometimes people will get annoyed because I am not minding them. And sometimes when I zoned out and they start talking to me, they will just look at each other and giggle, I am okay with that. That is why we made a rule that if they are going to ask me important things I should have to look at them or to their eyes, because most of the times I will just say yes even I dont understand what they are saying, so if I didnt look that means my answer is not valid and they cannot use it.
There are so many times I became a victim of it, once our previous technician asked me if he can have a half day, and of all the time he can drop the question, he did it while I am hyperfocusing on my paperworks. Few hours later our Engineer looks for him so I ring him up and he told me he is out of the office already I asked why and he said I already grant him permission in the afternoon and I said yes. So that is why we have the rule because after the technician noticed it, he took full advantage of it.
Ms. A already did the briefing to our new Engineers in a joking funny way, they are godsent for understanding me and she also told them if sometimes I am zoning out, dont take it too personally because it is not really my intention.
So I did my research and I found out that ADD can be a super power. Here are the good things about it
Without exageration, I would like to say that I experience most of it from the Insomia to the motivating others. The no. 25 is not really my thing haha. I know what it feels like to have so many thoughts in your head that it makes you impossible to sleep. It’s like you are a computer and all of your tabs are open at the sametime and you are having a hard time to shut down naturally unless you force quit it. And the anything is possible term, I honestly believe that you can do everything you could think of, you are just limited by your fear and imagination.
Here’s a quote written by Dr Edward Hallowell, who is a pretty big name in this study. so we can understand ADD better, also below are my experiences in some certain part.
Just like what I said sometimes I can hyperfocus, but sometimes, no matter how hard I try I can always find a distraction.
Sometimes I feel that I am invincible and I can conquer the world, I just have to wear my red lipstick and stilletos but sometimes I feel that I am inferior and it makes me scared.
I feel that I am Not giving my best, I always feel everytime that there is something I could do and that I am not doing enough.
I know there lots of people who loved me and I know also the equal half who wished I didnt exist. But what I know is that tiny little voice at the back of my mind who says I am an unlikeable human being can shut the eff up, because I know my worth.
One of the symptoms I think links me to ADD is that I am easily diatracted like most of the time I am thinking of doing this and then something happen there is always something happen, right? And when you realized it the day is over and you didn’t even started it.
And lastly about ideas, yes I have lots of them. That is why I made a blog to somehow vent it out. If I tell all those things to my friends they might end up having insomia like me. And the feeling unaccomplished part, I am always feeling that and somehow I am learning to just breath and think that there is always tomorrow.
Okay, maybe I have ADD or maybe I dont have it and my mind are just making things and exagerating those little symptoms, I might consider having it checked or just live with it. It doesn’t do any harm for me and if I really have it, I think this one works in my favor.
But let me tell you one thing even I might not have it , after all what I read “ADD IS A GIFT”. It’s not about you lack of something and there is something wrong with you, there isnt! Everybody, even the normal ones have some missing parts and you just do things with a little bit of extra and you are a gifted person. I want you to know that you are special. You have this wonderful brain inside that beautiful head. You have an amazing mind that can lined up with the Geniouses we knew today. You can be an artist, a musician, an athlete or a sales man its up to you, sky is the limit. And with that gift that you think that everything is possible, I know you will be fine.
On the other news, I have to sleep. While I am typing this entry in my phone because I left my laptop at the office, I am also cleaning my apartment and doing the dishes at the same time. So yes I am weird cause I clean my apartment at 12am.
Good night Guys! 😘😘